The end??? Or the beginning?

Friday night I went in at 2300. I figured I'd do an easy 8 hour shift, run home, shower and then drive north for ACLS at noon the next day Funny how we nurses see an 8 hour shift as an easy, short day. The rest of the world works 8's and hates it. Hmmm... interesting. So we were busy as hell, I was walking the Green mile with a full zone including a prisoner with necrotic pancreatitis and a former nursing instructor who fell at a basketball game and took a BIG chunk out of her calf. As I got settled the clinical coordinator and attending in charge approached me (I had the code room) to let me know that there had been a balcony collapse downtown, they were calling an internal disaster and I need to clear out everyone I could.

The story goes there was a house party at the college downtown. Over 150 kids at the house and 40-50 out on this old ass balcony. I can do math and 1900's balcony + 40 kids at 120-250lbs each = BAD! Out of all the kids we got 21... 11 trauma alerts and 10 walking wounded. They were all a little drunk but nobody was badly injured. The 3 that I got were very sweet and easy. I felt bad for them. After 8 hours of sheer hell I called my ACLS instructor and told him that there was NO WAY I would be up there. Too damn tired.

I have also emailed my boss with the flight company. He has fucked up my timesheets twice, I am not getting shifts and to be honest, I'm getting pissed at the whole situation. How am I supposed to get better if I'm not flying on a regular basis? My mom made a good point... it may be better for me to make my own decision rather than let them make it for me. If they can't give me a decent answer I can walk away. There are other programs out there. It is not ideal, but I am willing to stick it out to really get what I want versus what they are willing to give me. It is bittersweet to be willing to leave and knowing when the right time to go is!