Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Shit You Can't Make Up

This was kind of the whole point of this blog. That, and to help me get to sleep after a long ass night in the department. How often does someone say "we should be writing this down" and I smile and nod.

I walked in to a 24 year old who was complaining of blood from the penis. Sounds like the standard STD workup to me. I told him the whole adage about not putting your pole in a green pond, smiled and walked out of the room. The chart went to one of my favorite residents who got a bit more of the story than I did. The patient's roommate told him that it was because he masturbated too much. (go ahead and ask, I did........ ) How much is to much? He admitted to 15 times per day. Who has time for that?!?! 15 per day plus almost a 2 pack per day cigarette habit, no wonder he doesn't have a job!!! The patient was also convinced that he didn't have an STD because he was banging a lesbian behind her girlfriend's back. OMAA..... again, can't make this shit up!


Blogger battynurse said...

OMG! What a dumbass.

6:09 PM  
Blogger VetRN said...

A few years ago, we saw a guy in our ER numerous times for bilateral wrist pain; supposedly non-traumatic. X-rays negative on visit 3 that week. Finally when the whole story came out (he was mildly mentally challenged) he was diagnosed with overuse syndrome; it turns out that he was masturbating 30-50 times a day,(!!!!WTF?). Bilateral velcro wrist splints and sent on his way, once again able to enjoy his only hobby in comfort.

1:18 AM  

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