Friday, August 07, 2009

Boys in Dresses

Some nurses can make the funniest situations completely boring, while others can have you laughing at the most ridiculous and even mundane situations. A princess in charge in yellow on a fucking insane Thursday evening. I was getting report from a good buddy who totally has a way with words.

Bed 1: "I don' know what the fuck is wrong with him... but he has a bed so who the fuck cares"

Bed 3: "So yeller that he looks like a pumpkin... lookee there, pumpkin walkin' to the bathroom"

Bed 6: "Shemale with sickle cell. Doing the hormones, but still has the twig and berries, you know. Got a little dilaudid, still 10/10 pain and eating McD's chicken nuggets. Trying to scratch, but keeps forgetting that there are chicken nuggets in his/her hand." (I have to investigate myself and there is seriously a dude in a dress with makeup scratching its face with a chicken nugget) OMAA what has my job come to?

Bed 7: "She a big girl in a big pink robe... its a tent you know. She fell down getting dressed and broke her ankle"

Bed 15: "Complaining of the discharge. Has a female name, but Suzy says its a dude. It looks like a dude, a pretty fucking ugly dude with the 5 o'clock shadow" (another that I had to investigate. She/he did say there was a discharge.... brown. Vaginally?? "yes" Ummmm..... do you have a vagina?? Loooonnnnggg pause..... noooo. Well then its not fucking vag d/c then!)

I laughed so hard that I almost peed in my pants! All I was missing was the other pre-op dude who shoves things in his penis because he was really a woman.

There was entirely too much to do for a princess shift. My staff was marginal. A great and experienced trauma nurse who fucked up his back and could hardly walk, the fucking douchebag that killed that poor old lady a while back, a nurse who bitches no matter what and a good buddy of mine who was busting his ass to keep afloat and help with the slack. I was mucho happy to see 2300 arrive and say peace out motherfuckers.


Blogger battynurse said...

Love that report. The twig and berries is especially memorable.

12:25 PM  

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