Thursday, February 11, 2010

Introspection

I have sufficiently Whoo-saaa'd after my last shift. I was so angry that poor Ruby (the jeep) took the brunt of  my frustrations. It took a few days off, some tears, beers, chicken wings and quality time to bring me back to myself. Some days I just don't realize how this job gets under your skin. We joke that in Emergency Medicine we really don't have to do the long term stuff. Treat 'em and street 'em or send their asses upstairs. Its a very "hands off" life. The drama and humanity usually rolls off us like water from a duck's back. I can't say that any one patient got to me the other night. Nobody was sick enough or tugged at my heart (at all!) enough to do that. I think it was mostly the staff that got to me.

We talk about this as our dysfunctional family. This is very very true. There are some crazy unhealthy people that work in this field. They are both physically and emotionally unhappy and unhealthy. Everyone has their own way of dealing with the stress of work and home. Some do it better than others. The last 2 1/2 years have been the most insane of my life. I have been places and done things that I never thought  possible. I am now on my own again and doing my very best to enjoy every second and find myself in the process. I continue to fuck up on a regular basis, but the people who love me best realize that as much as I try to be perfect, I will always fall short.

I don't know what the next step is, or even what direction I am headed. I do know that I have the people I love, Maddux, Ruby, a glass of wine and Buffet and Marley on the radio. What more does a jeepgirl need?

5 Comments:

Anonymous The best gardener ever said...

noche, and thats about it.

7:42 PM  
Blogger crazyassmedic101 said...

I can say I almost agree with your blog though it feels like you left something or a crazy person out of your blog again

10:02 PM  
Blogger battynurse said...

Hope you go back feeling a bit more refreshed and less frustrated.

12:31 AM  
Anonymous 1st year nursing student after years in accounting said...

I love your posts!!

7:45 AM  
Blogger mojitogirl said...

Sorry to hear the "alone again" part. Been there, done that, it takes a bit getting used to, but if anything, you come out in the end feeling pretty invincible when you do something you've always let someone else do for you (like trailering the boat BY YOURSELF, packing up the house BY YOURSELF, taking out the trash BY YOURSELF, you get the picture!)Sorry it had to come to that, but having been through the wringer this past year, I feel older, wiser and not like I'm living on a sailboat that constantly rocks. You stand up on your own two feet, waiting for the pitching......and seas are suddenly smooth. You can relax your stance.

And thank God for the dog. They love u no matter what.

The world is your oyster, girlfriend! Slurp em down by the bushel!!

9:07 AM  

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