So, insanity and drama have been the name of the game these past few weeks. That the best I can do to sum it up. I will try to include some of the more interesting characters, but unfortunately, some may be lost to the post-Christmas psyche.
A couple of gems from the "Shit You Can't Make Up" file:
Little old guy, brought it with PD under a TDO. Told his little old wife that he was going to end it all. He has all those guns at home, ya know? So he comes to us, calm, cooperative and cute as a button with the Urkel jeans and the Teamsters belt buckle that was as big as he is. Blood sent, no worries. He gets up to pee in the cup and has little success. "I had the surgery you know." Being super psych nurse I go to straight cath him.
There are some things that you should really know before you cath someone. Whether you need a mask? Whether you are going to go in and see little beady eyes looking back? Male vs female? Those are my red flags. well imagine my surprise when I found... no penis. Yup, thats right, no penis, but a big 10-4 on the balls. The doctor neglected to tell me that he had a penectomy due to penis cancer. (ok, ok, I thought it was bullshit too!) Me= sterile. Him=no penis. Whats a girl to do? Me? I asked..... "Dude, wheres the hole?" With a little direction, and nerves of steel I went looking and found said urethra opening... behind the balls! OMAA!!!! 900cc of urine later, demented teamster grandpappy bout himself a ticket to medicine vs the psych floor. I think they decided to hold the psych bed for me!
Same night, I'm still working the psych zone. EMS brings in a drunk white lady who was soooo in love with the "hot black police officer" that he had to ride with them to keep her from going off. She then decided she hated black people, stood on a stretcher, stripped naked and screamed the N word at the top of her lungs. (my least favorite word.... plus, NOT one you want to yell in an urban ED).
I had the misfortune of being in charge New Year's Eve. Last year it started slow and built into a frenzy after 12. This year it was off the fucking chain from 7pm on. At 1215 I had every ambulance in the city headed my way... not to mention most of the 4th police precinct and all the city EMS brass. I told the white shirts that if they were gonna keep watching us work I was going to find something for them to do!!!