The Screamer Desk

I have frequently referred to the penalty box or triagony. The hospital came up with the "Screamer Desk" after an unfortunate incident with a little old dude. This guy's family brought him in, pushed his wheelchair into the waiting room and bailed. To the observer he was merely asleep and (it would seem) remained "asleep" for several hours before someone realized that he was dead. The staff worked him, although it was obvious that there was no reason to other than to save some face. The problem solving session following this incident was apparantly very... colorful and thus the Screamers Desk was born.

I get the first medical "Hi how are you" and get an initial impression of whether the patient is fixing to crump. Then I either direct them to the triage nurse for the formal triage or take them straight back. Unfortunately, at night we are also the "can pt so-and-so have a visitor" which gets pretty fucking old. We also end up handling social work, the complaint compartment and have a front row seat to the beginnings of the JERRY JERRY JERRY moments. 

Umm.. screamer sucks. We also screen all of the pediatric patients. This solidifies that I don't want to be a pedes ed nurse. The kids aren't so bad... but the parents will make you fucking insane!!! I had a VERY young girl come in last night with her baby. The complaint.... "My baby ain't been doo-dooing all night."  Dear lord, this child has had a baby. Poor kid has no chance in hell. Yet we continue to see the same shit day after day.

Depending on who the screamer nurse is, your night can either suck ass or be tolerable. Take tonight for instance. I am trapped in the hole knonw as triage (my own request, have been feeling kinda crappy the last few days) and the screamer nurse is the size of a small Voltzwagen. She won't be getting up unless there is a disaster or the Krispy Kreme starts delivering in the driveway. This nurse has actually sent a PCT (pt care tech) out to a car where a woman was in labor. The tech then delivered the baby.... and she never did de-ass the chair. Ugh. SO she puts the patients in and sends them my way. On nights like tonight we are short, so its just the two of us out here. When a patient shows up she pops them in the computer and then shoos them in my general direction. The problem comes when I get someone who wants to talk or is actually sick. Then the backup starts. Occasionally she will triage (from the chair of course), but most times she lets you drown. She does take the time to tell you when your triage is inappropriate and then reminds you that she IS masters prepared so she knows what she is talking about.

What-the-fuck-ever.

The upside of the screamer is that you really don't have to do a whole lot. I bring a book and my cell phone and get comfy. Occasionally WBL and I will do some 5am yoga, though my angry white boy music is discouraged...