Saturday, January 03, 2009

Drunk 101

Also known as "Why I Hate Drunk People"

I have been fortunate in the last 7+ years to NOT have to work New Year's Eve. There have been plenty of people with children that want Christmas off so I have always traded. I have never been a big partier, so New Year's has usually consisted of staying home with the cop, the dog(s) and a bottle of wine. This year all of the detectives had to work drunk hours (7p-3a) so I traded a friend so he could have the night off with his wife.

The roads were almost empty and the only fast moving cars were the two state troopers that zoomed past me, switched lanes and waved out the windows. (being a cop's wife AND an ER nurse has its benefits!) The ER was almost empty too... which was was a little eerie. I was walking the green mile in my least fav zone. All was calm, Dr B was there for the overnight so at least I didn't have to deal with some low life turd that treats the nurses like shit (believe me, there are some up and coming assholes). At ten minutes til midnight we placed our bets on the first GSW of the new year, I called the cop to make sure he was wither under a bridge or underpass for the "fireworks." Instead of real pyrotechnics, the inhabitants of our city shoot guns up in the air to celebrate. The shitheads forget that what goes up must come down, so its best to be under shelter at the stroke of midnight. The girls and I went outside to hear the gunfire and then back in 'cuz it was too damn cold.

About 30 minutes later the fucker broke loose. Squads from all over the city bringing in the first drunks of the year in droves. I scored #1.... 5'10 120lbs, dressed like a high class hooker in CFM boots. She barely made it to midnight, tripped and cracked her chin on the pavement. She arrived backboarded, screaming like hell that she had to pee. Dr B was gettin her off the board when she kicked him square in the nuts.... poor guy. Not how you want to ring in the new year. She proceeded to bleed everywhere, swear, swing and stumble all over the room. Once she was sutured she told us all to fuck off, pulled her IV and staggered out into the night. Her replacement was almost identical, except the next one puked for distance all over the room, herself and her very sweet (and sober) boyfriend in his suit.

A recommendation to all med students and nursing students out there... never NEVER get drunk and show up in the ED. Even better, don't show up on one of our busiest nights of the year, march into the nurse's station with your drunk boyfriend and demand that we take care of you RIGHT NOW. This little bitch announced that she was a fourth year student and she wanted her GOD-DAMN-PAIN-MEDICINE! (she was there with a migraine) I have had 1 or 2 migraines in my life... I couldn't lift my head off the pillow, much less walk, scream etc. Her boy-toy actually grabbed one of my buddies by the arm and told her to "get in here and start her IV." He came close to having it broke off in his ass.

The next contestant was a drunk Guatemalan who kept trying to grab my boobs. K screamed him to shut up and talk american while I "helped" him back into his bed. He puked in the sink and on the phone before tracking it through the department while trying to find a phone. We had a couple of people hit in the head with beer bottles and one who got popped with a frying pan (chronically battered woman who was so drunk she peed on herself). Thank God Dr B was there.... he ripped those dumb fuckers out of their collars and off the backboards and didn't waste time with CT scans unless they really needed them. It was a long long night. I was happy to make it out in one piece.

I actually fired a patient Thursday night. He was a bad asthmatic who was working like a dog, tripoding, satting 80% on his nebs, spitting on the floor (instead of his bag he was given), pulling IV's and giving me a shit-on of attitude. After 4 nebs, 4gms of Mag, terbutaline, epi, steroids he was still refusing to be tubed and was getting aggressive towards me. I took him off the monitor, turned the neb off and told him good luck, he was on his own. (let me also say that the Dr was there, was aware of the situation and supported me 100%).

I hope that the drunken craziness and the assholes don't continue to follow me through 2009.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why don't you get a job more suited to your temperament? Drunks are part of the job.

7:51 PM  

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