Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Just call me Chuck

When you nominate enough people for the Darwin Awards you get to call him by his first name.... when 90% of your patients are nominees... well, Chuck and I are now old friends. A complete shutout in the trauma room Monday night. Very surprising I must say. I guess the rain kept most of the morons inside. However, let me mention a call we got from our communications room.

45 year old man, unrestrained versus a wall at 30mph. Did I mention that he was in a lawn chair in the bed of a pickup truck? There was definitely a disparity in the teeth to tattoo ratio and there was a death in the vehicle. Yes my friends, I regret to inform you that the Miller High Life did not survive the crash. After x-rays, CT scans and multiple sutures in the face/mouth area he was ready to go. I identified a good "teaching moment" and asked him what he had learned from this experience.....

His response...? "I won't ride wit my brothers no mo."
Oh my lord.

Let me also point and laugh at one of my favorite residents. He is a third year, is a great doc AND treats the nurses really well. The ER was dead.... nada going on. Again, very surprising for a Labor Day Monday. A patient is brought back from triage with 3 days of abdominal pain. On further evaluation we find out that he is a heroin addict (her-on for those of you watching pronunciation), and has chronic pain issues, takes methadone and God knows what else daily.... are we getting the flow here? No BM x 3 days, walking like he was in labor. The resident wanted the nurse to give the guy a fleets or milk and molasses (anyone else have to do those?).... the nurses voted that we just give him one and send his ass on his way. No No No... he must have it done here.... so the charge nurse took him to the bathroom where he hollered and grunted without results. Did I mention that the resident was laughing at the charge nurse as he took the guy to the bathroom?

So after no results guess what.....???? The resident got to gown up and manually disimpact him. Let me have the honor of announcing the birth of a 2lb, brown hair, brown-eyed hunk of shit! We are going to name him Dr Junior after this resident.


Blogger mojitogirl said...

Hate those disimpactions in the ER. I once delivered a spleen (or a liver, looked like both!). We like to give them the lactulose cocktail and sign discharge papers at the same time. BYE! GET HOME SOON!

12:00 PM  
Blogger battynurse said...

OMG! It takes a special kind of stupid to ride in the back of a truck sitting in a lawn chair. That and probably a significant amount of alcohol which I'm assuming from your post was definitely involved. Some people you just can't teach.
As far as the disimpaction? So glad I've never had to do that before (and hopefully never will).

7:31 PM  

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