Thursday, September 10, 2009

Something to believe in

I have been on a bit of an 80's wave here recently. Not sure what has brought about this trip down memory lane, the 80's were most definitely NOT the highlight of my life so far. I find myself humming along with the familiar songs from back when.....

I keep waiting for some inspiration. Something that leads me back to why I love ER nursing and re-lights the proverbial fire under my ass. I look to others for guidance and direction down the right path. When I'm in charge and my feet (and ass, head... hell my whole body is to the fire) I try to channel one of the nurses who I have the deepest respect for. She is calm, competent and rarely loses her cool. I try to keep it together until I am out of view.... then the full-out jumping up and down temper tantrum begins. A solid minute of breakdown followed by a good ol Namaste and Whoo-Saaa, often in Tree Pose and I am back at it. I try to take care of my folks they way I wish others did with me. I try to still mentor the younger nurses and medics (especially those who are so interested in "doing it right" versus just getting by).

So where is the mentor for me? Even on the, hopefully, short road to the next step (flight). Who do I look to for that simple gesture of pointing me in the right direction, slapping my ass and letting me go? I guess when I look for someone to mold myself after I simply see the mold, not everything else that is mashed into it. Some people can effortlessly juggle the personal and professional making life in general look easy. Some are experts at maintaining the spotless veneer on the outside but inside are a big ol mess. I have found that those are more prevalent than I even knew. Am I wrong for expecting more from people? People who have the job I love and are, in some respects, squandering the opportunity? I just want to scream "I expected better from you!!!!" Get it together and live your best life. Make it worth something.... there are people who look up to you watching.

As described... consider this my minute in the back room, jumping up and down screaming.

Deep cleansing breath, hands to heart-center. Breathe.

Thanks for listening


Blogger mojitogirl said...

Introspection is a great thing. It's leading your head into places you haven't explored before. I think you're in the right direction. Keep exploring. You'll find someone or something that will light the proverbial fire again.

11:23 PM  
Blogger battynurse said...

I don't know. It's all very good stuff to ponder and some of it I've even wondered a lot after living through a couple of hated jobs. I agree with mojitogirl though that if you keep looking you will find it.

12:17 AM  

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