Fuckin' Darwin

I originally started this blog to vent frustrations and to "tell the stories" that you just can't make up from the ER. Recently I haven't been a good blogger.... is that because the ICU is any less frustrating. Ummm... no. I'm just too damn tired when I get home to blog!!!

Just finished by 4th 12 hour shift in a row. 3 in the ICU and 1 Saturday night in the ER.

Pt in the ICU is "Porkchop." (not kidding) He is 6'7, 380lbs and wrecked a 4-wheeler. Sounds like the wheel fell off and he rolled. This guy is about the dumbest mother fucker I have ever met. He doesn't work, but collects scrap metal and has yard sales. He has an ex-wife/baby momma and a new wife who, per her admission, is 21 and "ain't that smart."She works part time at a grocery store. He has spent his time in the ICU scratching his balls and making sexual comments towards the nurses. He told one to "put your titties in my face again." What a turd.

I must comment on the official dumbass of the year whom I met in the ER last night. Wasn't in the trauma room, but didn't really care. I get a phone call from a local hospital who wants to transfer a patient to us. 24 year old was "playing" with a pet snake and it bit him twice. Turns out this was no ordinary snake......

This is the albino monocled cobra. This kid's first statement to me was "I'm a dumb jarhead who got bitten by his snake." This was a baby, but still a significant bite. After about 6-12 hours respiratory failure and complete nervous system shutdown is possible. This can (obviously) be a fatal injury. I guess it didn't help that this kid was drunk and blew in the snake's face. He told us he was training the snake not to bite.... uuuummmmmm, okie dokie. Sounds like you need to be take out of the gene pool NOW. Do NOT pass go, collect $200 and for fuck's sake, PLEASE don't procreate!!!!!

We originally thought that the anti venom would be coming from Pakistan. (this is when the kid freaked) Travel time was approximated at over 24 hours. Luckily, the folks in Dade County Florida were able to hook us up and get what we needed in about 3 hours. After all this, dudeman was going to go home back to this snake, his copperhead and rattlesnakes. Hopefully, the police may get involved and get this evil little snake out of his house!!!

I thank what bothered me the most was when I first got the call and went to my friends at Google to get more info. The first site I found was an ad for a baby albino monocled for sale. $575 dollars. Approximate distance from us as 3113 miles. I live in VA..... wonder where this bad boy is?!?!?

Am off for one whole day, and then back to Porkchop in the ICU. I don't think I will ever look at port products the same way again!