Monday, July 28, 2008

The Stalker Zone.....

Sooo.... I struck out, AGAIN. This is starting to remind me of "The Twilight Zone." A dream come true turns into day after day of watching everyone else fly but me. Friday I told my partner that I wanted a GSW to the head. Gruesome, yes, but its been a while and that would be one hell of a flight. So when I got in Sunday morning I find out that not only did they do 3 patient flights (and a kick ass pr event with food, music, 400 people and 2 other aircraft) thay also did a dual scene with another helicopter for..Dum DA DUM.... a GSW to the head! What the FUCK is that all about?!?!?!?? I was a bit irritated. So we did nothing all day, but I said (very openly) that now I want a big 'ol house fire. If they get one on today's shift I'm going to buy a trailer, hang a shingle out front and start doing 'ESPN' full time. This is re-GOD-DAMN-diculous!

We have a little "friend" living across the hall from our new quarters as well. There is a ground ambulance company renting the rooms/offices there. People are ALWAYS coming and going and they are loud as shit. Its been getting old. Super squirrel stalker works for this company as a paramedic and he desperately wants to fly. (trust me, I know where you are coming from) He seems nice, but it is starting to get a bit creepy. He walks right into our dayroom to talk, listens to phone calls, follows us when we go up to the ER to visit.... he even has his own helmet (those things are $1200 a pop). He has a couple of the crew's personal cell numbers and has been known to call upwards of 3 times a day. He is doing everything he can to get a flight job but just doesn't have the experience he needs yet. I've tried not to let him "latch on" to me like he has with others. I'm getting a creepy crawly feeling about him that I just can't place.

So while my crew was flying their asses off Saturday, I played princess in the ED. I had an inmate with HIV and a gangrenous toe (yummy), a diva trauma 17 year old who wrecked her BMW and wasn't wearing a seatbelt because "it was hurting my new Tiffany necklace." There was this year's Oscar winner for "Best Performance by a Drug Seeker in an Abdominal Pain Role" and 300+ lb "Grandmammy" who had been given twice the normal dose of insulin by her family, came in with sugars of 33 but was perfectly capable of hollering for me to roll off her (substantial) booty to reveal 1 bedsore and what appeared to be the top to a bottled drink, 1/2 a bag of Funions and a pen (not mine!). Mammy wanted a soda ("not diet") Diva wanted her mom's Pepsi so she could "take my damn birth control pills you stupid bitch" (this was directed at her mom, not me... I'd have kicked her white ass out on the street naked for talking to me like that) and the inmate wanted "2 meals, 2 drinks and some ice cream."

Its nice to see that nothing has changed. It was even nicer to tell the clinical coordinator "no, I can't stay past midnight, I have to fly in the morning." :)


Blogger mojitogirl said...

Sorry about your penguin status. It's rough sitting it out when things around you are popping. At least you got to experience anew the humor of the ER.

Gotta love the ER stories, though....if that were my daughter, she would have needed a colonoscopy to have the Tiffany necklace and the BMW removed from deep in her colon!

Funyuns and a bottle cap? no comment.

5:04 AM  
Blogger Paradise Driver said...

Someday we'll get the post saying:
"Got everything I've wished for, and more. Too tired to talk about it."

11:58 PM  
Blogger GingerJar said...

WEll, what can we say about inmates...always manupilating and seeking...and getting what they want. Usually a fake "chest pain" gets them a mobile ride to the ER where they can check out chicks and demand snacks and pain mes..oh, and if they get admitted everything required Dilaudid or Morphine (I have a hang nail and it is very painful...a 10!), then the big mama. Well I floated to ER...and I had on a special ring...that I should not have worn to work...but forgot to take it off, and I was afraid to put it in my pocket (might lose it) or my bag (my locker was upstairs where I'm regularly assigned) so I kept it on. I felt the prong snag when I was pulling up a pt. who could move herself (250 lb lard-ass who was whining about how bad her foot hurt from a shelf falling on it 3 days ago..that had an itty bitty bruise that was nada...nothing...but just a whiny b***h!) anyway, sure enough, when I pulled my hand out from under the pull sheet my stone was missing. She whined and cryed because I made her turn over so I could pry my opal off her ass. You'd have though I was killing her. You's so hard to turn over when you are 19 years old and have an itty bitty bruise on your foot...and you are taking up the trama room, because all the other rooms are full. I bet she would have bitched if we moved her to the hallway gurny if we got an acutal TRAMA!

2:30 PM  
Blogger battynurse said...

Oh yes, I see these patients on a daily basis. I dream sometimes of having a job where I deal only with normal people.

2:23 AM  

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