Wiping poo

You know when you start a night badly it can predict the rest of your night? If you walk into the "poop room" then you know you are gonna be the one wiping shit all night long. I followed behind yet another nurse who should be kicked to the curb... she could only tell me about two of the four patients. One was a drug seeker and the other.... OMAA (Oh My Achin Ass). I have helped with this dude before, he weighs 450lbs and has end-stage-renal disease. He was diagnosed in October, had both a Sorenson and fistula placed. He has been back multiple times for fluid overload and non-compliance with his diet. He also has to be dialyzed extra to compensate for his lack of compliance. Oh, and non-compliance gives him the rip roaring watery shits for which he cannt control or predict. He was getting dialysis (and was covered in shit, the nurse was so kind to point out). I changed him 4 times before he got a bed (they kept switching his admit from floor, to stepdown to ICU etc). That was AFTER they pulled his infected Sorenson. He will be back...

I have only had to run out of a room gagging one time in my career. That was when I was on orientation and it was an insane amount of melana stool. So once the fat man was gone I started to trend towards the drunken assholes. 20 year old picked up outside the bar unable to walk and projectile vomiting everywhere. What set me off was a drunk Brazilian (Portuguese speaking) who got his ass kicked... and shit all over himself in the process. Usually this doesn't get to me... butt his time we were in a closed room and there was a sweet rankness. Even with a mask (with some mouthwash poured in it) when we rolled and the backboard was dripping I was OUT. I didn't puke, but was in the nurses station over the trash can. It took everything I had to go back in that room.

I guess the punchline to that situation is that when the drunken ass was discharged he didn't want his shitty pants, which were bagged in his room. His shoes, wallet and paperwork were in another bag in the room, He dressed in paper scrubs, grabbed his bag and left. When housekeeping went to clean the room they found a bag alright. The bag with shoes in it. He took off with his shitty stuff. (I hope he enjoyed the 4 hours in a plastic bag when you're hung over smell!)

My hospital is cutting jobs, I think I mentioned that. In the spirit of "better patient care" we are all now prohibited from 1) Checking personal email at work 2) getting on social sites like Facebook 3) Mentioning the hospital on Facebook 4) Talking bad about the patients in the nurse's station etc etc etc. If caught we get a warning, the second offense is 5 days on the street.