Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Drunk Boys

Ok, as much as I get on my soapbox about not drinking and driving I am proud to say that NONE of my trauma patients last night were drunk drivers. In fact, I only had 1 MVA in the trauma room at all! Maybe the word is finally spreading!!! (riiiggght... they were out there, they just had a lucky night).

Or maybe they were bored with getting shit faced and driving 80mph with no seatbelt into a tree, guardrail, another car whatever. They thought of more creative things to do. About midnight we got a heads up for a 40+ foot fall. Fall or jump? We didn't get to hear that part. Young guy, strapped down hollering for all he had that he didn't jump "I'm not that kind of person... I'm not crazy!" ... just drunk huh? Seems as though this genius got into an argument with the soon to be baby momma. She was standing between him and the door and wouldn't let him walk out. So he went out to the balcony. When she followed him he climbed onto the rail and just let go! One thing I can say with absolute certainty. Drunks bounce!

He will be fine. They will discharge him just in time to see the baby momma's first ultra sound.

Had another drunk boy come in trying to make us work. I got about 2 minutes heads up on this one. (average is 5-7 mins). I see the stretcher round the corner and hear a familiar voice. I mentioned that the dating pool around here is shallow and muddy? A former boyfriend and firefighter is bringing me my next guest. This one was trashed... 3 1/2 times legal and we think he fell asleep with a cigarette. The room he was in went up in flames. We don't know if he was hypoxic (low oxygen) or just too drunk, but he was so combative that the firefighters had trouble getting him to leave the house. When they finally did, he went berserk in the ambulance and was hitting the crew. (They looked 12) My ex was sitting on his chest when they got to me.

One thing I have learned about combative patients, they are much more fun when we paralyze and sedate them. I started his line while he was still on the ems stretcher (with a medic sitting on him) and we sedated, paralyzed and tubed him right there. What can I say... its all about creativity down there! It seems like this guy was in the smoke-filled room longer than we thought. His carboxy-hemoglobin was really high. This pretty much tells us that he inhaled way to much smoke. The best treatment for this is a hyperbaric oxygen chamber... which we don't have. The closest can't take an ICU level patient, so the next closest is the next trauma center over. The flight time would be about 25 minutes, but Alberto seems to have lowered the ceiling to midget level, so flying him out isn't going to work. So off to the burn unit he goes. Let them deal with it!

Other things drunks have done...

sleep on railroad tracks
"basejumped" off the bridge into the river
fallen off of balconies, down stairs, up stairs
fallen out of trees
had trees fall on them
try to fly planes (long story)
steal a police car
steal an ambulance
shot at a mouse/dog/cat/raccoon and hit themselves in the foot
played with power tools (never good. this is usually the men)
put arms/hands/legs through windows

Not sure what else... but many deserve an honorable mention in the Darwin awards. Had they actually taken themselves OUT of the gene pool then we would be so proud!!!

Don't run from the police dog. You are nothing but a giant, barbeque flavored chew toy to them.


Blogger Mad Cabbie said...

Thanks for stopping by, Iread your blog and you write some cool shit.

Years ago I picked up some dumm ass off the street, he asked me to take him to the ER at Suburbun hospital with a kinife still stuck in his ass, the funny thing was he asked me if I had a cigarette.

He kept saying "that bitch will pay for this!" refering to his wife decision to stick him in the ass.

I admire you guys, the filth you have to deal is beyond my imagination.

take care JG.

7:17 PM  
Blogger wil said...

Don't run from the police dog. You are nothing but a giant, barbeque flavored chew toy to them.


My late, beloved, Zeus loved "runners". It was always the high point of the shift when someone took off. Seldom got more than 30' before he would nail them.

11:51 PM  

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