The Asshole Tube

Ok, this is a note on a very taboo subject in Emergency Medicine. We have a prime example in the yellow er right now. The asshole tube is a last resort of managing a very uncooperative patient. The guy tonight was brought in by the po-lice after some dude beat him up. Now after meeting prince charming, there was never any doubt in anyone's mind as to why he got the shit kicked out of him. PC was very intoxicated and yelling, swearing etc. We drew labs, and tried to do a CT scan of his head. All was well and good until he started punching the CT scanner. Let me explain that this is a piece of equipment that costs more than shit head would make in a lifetime. (Several million). So asshole, excuse me, Prince Charming was brought into the trauma room to be intubated. No problems, and he got his CT done without incident. Aside from several facial fractures and the suprising fact that he does have a brain, he will be woken up shortly and head off to jail. Yes, the police officer has a couple of felony warrants for our dear friend.

I must also add that while this was done against the patients will, it was also done under a TDO from the city judge. Dr B spoke to him and got the ok. (I don't recommend the asshole tube without a medical TDO.... otherwise it is assault). I guess I should have prefaced this with "Dr B was on tonight..." Obviously, you don't fuck with Dr B.

Otherwise my night has been great. Couple of traumas earlier, but nothing worth mentioning. Room is checked and quiet and I have Buffett on my IPOD. What could be better?? Ok, OK, as one of my medics would say... " we need a gunshot to the chest right about now" I would have to agree. It's been awhile since I've cracked one.

Oh lord, forgot to mention Dr Moron. New trauma intern.... works under the girl who took over for Dr Rock. She kicks ass. He hardly speaks English. Earlier we had a patient with a small bone broken in his foot. He asked me... (I shit you not) "Who do I page, plastics?' HUH?!?!? Broken bone buddy... how about ortho??? Grrr... This month is going to be painful. Will try not to kill him. I just thank GOD that Dr Rock and Dr Moron weren't on at the same time. I think I would have just walked out!!!

Final Thought: (a la Jerry Springer)

DON'T PISS DR B OFF!!!!!