So, shall we start with moron #1?
A man shows up in the ER with a sealed tupperware container. He tells the triage nurse that his (adult) sister has been complaining about an itchy bump on her neck for a few days. She had it looked at down at their local hospital. Yes, I think they were from the boonies. I think 'Applatchian American' is the pc term these days. Well, tonight the bump turned into an open sore and she felt something moving. Guess what crawled out....???
Ok, this is not the "actual picture" My camera on the cell phone gave me a blurry picture. But yep, thats a centipede. That sucker was almost 2 inches long and had been living in homegirl's neck! The reason the brother brought this thing in was that she didn't have a problem with it and didn't want to be seen. Ummmm... HELLO? Are we just going to name the eggs it laid in your body and keep them as pets? "This is my pet Bubba, his sister Jolene, her daughter Precious...." etc etc etc. Oh my aching ass!
I heard this one from one of the other trauma nurses and my cop confirmed the story. 2 nights ago out fine young friend and his buddy were up to no good. What makes me say that, you ask? They were sawing off the barrel of a shotgun. (I can understand 'Need for Speed', but is this a worthwhile pastime... I think not). Anyway, they sawed the barrel off without incident. Then Dumb and Dumber decide to saw off the stock. So here's a mental image. One guy is holding the gun steady while the other saws the stock off from the front. Did I mention the gun was loaded? Yuppers.... I'll bet you can guess what happened next. That thing blew a huge hole in the boys groin. He actually hit the femoral artery and the other major blood vessels in the pelvis. Died on the OR table. Friend tried to tell the po-lice that the guy shot himself. When the detective yelled at him about the bullshit story the kid peed himself. Damn, I would have paid to see that!
"Borrowed" the girlfriend's truck. (we call that grand larceny kiddo) Got his drinky drink on... (19 years old) got chased by the cops. Hit another car, broke that driver's neck.... he came in as a trauma code. Other driver died. This kid is looking at 40-50 years in prison. He had abrasions to the forehead and will be just fine.
Sometimes I really love my job! Did I mention we had free dinner and breakfast today? Drug reps are the best. Free food, pens, trauma shears and all the Starbucks dark Roast I can drink. FUN!
Note for the kids...
DON'T RUIN YOUR LIVES!!! Don't drink and drive. Damn, I've said this TOOOO much!
PS, yes I have learned to put pictures on here. we'll see what my new ability does for my outstanding language skills!