Monday, June 26, 2006

Foiled Again

We tried to go back out to the movies again tonight. Why do I even bother wasting my time? 1030 on a Sunday night and the place looks like a club on the weekend. The cop took one look at the place and was "oh hell no." I wanted to take the top off the jeep, load up the shotgun and the glock, ride downtown and pop off some drug dealers. My dad calls it population control (talking about deer hunting of course). The cop didn't think it was the best idea. I think he's just worried I'll shoot better than he does.

I have thought lately about things I want to invent.. I'd make a million easily. It goes something like this.

-We have a drug called Narcan. It works for heroin and any opiate-based narcotic overdose and completely reverses the effects. The subject ends up feeling like shit because we took their high away. (we also use it when someone reacts badly to pain meds) I want something that does that for alcohol. Squirt some of that in my drunks and sober them up pretty quickly. They get to keep the hangover though.

-Trauma patients frequently have to get a belly CT scan. The stuff they have to drink (we call it the milkshake) is supposed to taste like bananas, but it really tastes like crap... and I tell patients that. We usually have to threaten to put a NG (nasogastric) tube down if they won't drink it. My solution... make it beer flavored. They would suck it up like the real thing!

-BODY BAGS THAT WON'T TEAR!!! What a pain in my ass!

I must also include the dictionary of my favorite abbreviations... note they are not in alphabetical order... cuz I'm too damn lazy to think that much about it!!! Let me know if you need clarification on what they mean.

DRT: Dead Right There
CTD: Circling the Drain
OMAA: Oh My Aching Ass
CAS: Crazy as Shit
CCFCP: cuckoo For Coco Puffs
DFO or DFO'd: Done Fell Out
DWPA/DWRA: Death with Paramedic/Resident Assistance
LOL: Little Old Lady
LOL DFO: see above and figure it out
FTD: Fixin to Die
The O Sign: Open mouth, FTD
The Q Sign: Open mouth with tongue sticking out (usually now DRT)
ABC: Ass Blood Catheter (trauma ABC's) or Ambulate Before Carry
FDGB: Fall Down Go Boom
PIA: Pain in Ass
FOS: Fill of Shit
OOB, OTD, OTB. AMFYOYO: Out of Bed, Out the Door, On the Bus, Adios Mother Fucker You're on Your Own (courtesy of Dr B)

3 Comments:

Blogger wil said...

I wanted to take the top off the jeep, load up the shotgun and the glock, ride downtown and pop off some drug dealers. My dad calls it population control

LAPD used to have "CRASH" units that did this. Its a shame they made them stop.

The acromymn was something like

Community Response Against Street Hoodlums

12:33 PM  
Blogger wil said...

Also, I've heard that they are developing body bags made from carbon graphite. No cut, no rip, no tear, not cheap.

12:38 PM  
Blogger shayla said...

Now for the big question. Do you use those abbreviations in your charting?

Will - Love the acronym. We need to integrate that here in the Houston area.

shayla

1:08 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home