Monday, July 30, 2007

Snake (part II)

I was still pondering the misfortunes of the stupid jarhead when I realized that I had left out another bit if the story. At our hospital we help train Special Operations Combat Medics (SOCM) aka Special Forces. These guys are mostly Army Rangers and Navy Seals with a few Marine Corpsman and Air Force guys thrown in too.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not a fan of the war, but I am a complete supporter of our military. If giving these guys some extra time will help them to survive, or to save another life then I'm all for it. Unfortunately, in their 8 months of medical training, these guys have realized that they must have a complete mastery of all things medical and therefore can tell the nurses what we should and shouldn't be doing. (this is a bit of a generalization, of course.... there are some good ones too) Most of them are hot shot-all knowing pricks that we tolerate for the 2-3 weeks that they are around.

So, back to the snake man. The guys were more than a little excited about this snake bite. When the patient actually got there I had trouble getting to the bedside for all of the SF medics. They put him on the monitor, bp and pulse ox while I did an exam. When they inflated the BP cuff the patient started screaming. Some dumbass put the BP cuff on the side of the bite..... the arm was already swollen to the elbow and excruciatingly painful.

When I asked who did it one guy raised his hand. I told him to go help one of my other patients to x-ray and then he could come back. (essentially kicked him out of the room) I know that I am now on the shit list, but he fucked up and could have seriously injured the patient. I didn't see this kid come back into one of my rooms for the rest of the night. I'm sorry, but I don't back down to these guys..... I don't care if they are Rangers, Seals or Barney the Purple freaking dinosaur!

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Fuckin' Darwin

I originally started this blog to vent frustrations and to "tell the stories" that you just can't make up from the ER. Recently I haven't been a good blogger.... is that because the ICU is any less frustrating. Ummm... no. I'm just too damn tired when I get home to blog!!!

Just finished by 4th 12 hour shift in a row. 3 in the ICU and 1 Saturday night in the ER.

Pt in the ICU is "Porkchop." (not kidding) He is 6'7, 380lbs and wrecked a 4-wheeler. Sounds like the wheel fell off and he rolled. This guy is about the dumbest mother fucker I have ever met. He doesn't work, but collects scrap metal and has yard sales. He has an ex-wife/baby momma and a new wife who, per her admission, is 21 and "ain't that smart."She works part time at a grocery store. He has spent his time in the ICU scratching his balls and making sexual comments towards the nurses. He told one to "put your titties in my face again." What a turd.

I must comment on the official dumbass of the year whom I met in the ER last night. Wasn't in the trauma room, but didn't really care. I get a phone call from a local hospital who wants to transfer a patient to us. 24 year old was "playing" with a pet snake and it bit him twice. Turns out this was no ordinary snake......

This is the albino monocled cobra. This kid's first statement to me was "I'm a dumb jarhead who got bitten by his snake." This was a baby, but still a significant bite. After about 6-12 hours respiratory failure and complete nervous system shutdown is possible. This can (obviously) be a fatal injury. I guess it didn't help that this kid was drunk and blew in the snake's face. He told us he was training the snake not to bite.... uuuummmmmm, okie dokie. Sounds like you need to be take out of the gene pool NOW. Do NOT pass go, collect $200 and for fuck's sake, PLEASE don't procreate!!!!!

We originally thought that the anti venom would be coming from Pakistan. (this is when the kid freaked) Travel time was approximated at over 24 hours. Luckily, the folks in Dade County Florida were able to hook us up and get what we needed in about 3 hours. After all this, dudeman was going to go home back to this snake, his copperhead and rattlesnakes. Hopefully, the police may get involved and get this evil little snake out of his house!!!

I thank what bothered me the most was when I first got the call and went to my friends at Google to get more info. The first site I found was an ad for a baby albino monocled for sale. $575 dollars. Approximate distance from us as 3113 miles. I live in VA..... wonder where this bad boy is?!?!?

Am off for one whole day, and then back to Porkchop in the ICU. I don't think I will ever look at port products the same way again!

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Another Birthday

I technically turned 29 on July 2. I wish I could say it was a great day..... but I had been nursing a migraine for 2 days. Monday was just miserable. I went to lunch and a movie with the cop, then I went to bed. It was not my best day. So we decided to change my birthday this year. We celebrated on July 4. I spent the day in the yard with my mom working on flower beds and cutting tree limbs. Maddux spent the day playing in the new sprinkler. (I have some pictures that I will post later.....)Then we had a little cookout on the porch. Much better than Monday!

It seems that my $300.00 CCRN certification has paid off. I have contacted 2 flight programs and have heard back from both. DC is "not sure" if ER counts as critical care, but I have emailed the chief flight nurse (and have a friend flying with him today)and we will see what happens. The other is in NC... which would be one hell of a commute.

I am still off.... and will be for another week. (hell yes!) Trying to decide what household monstrosity to tackle next.

Monday, July 02, 2007

July Again

In the wake of that new movie "Sicko" (which I haven't seen) I must warn all friends and family to be extra careful over the next two months or so. As of July 1 in hospitals all over the country, the brand new doctors are starting their residency. Would you let a med student operate on you? Intubate your loved one? Run a code on your child/grandchild??? Ummm.... obviously not. Well, a month and a test does not change what they are.... brand new, wet behind the ears I wanna graduate this residency one day, doctors.

So friends, be careful...... I have seen only one. But the new interns are out there.

I passed my CCRN..... the big test that I have been studying for, for the past 6 months. What a relief. This is going to be a HUGE help when I apply for flight jobs. I have applied to one in DC and another in Florida. I know that FL is a long shot, but what the hell? Am off for the next week... birthday and not working the first days of intern season. Something I try to do every year. No huge plans.... but not working!