Wednesday, October 31, 2007

I got a rock.

My mom and I agree, Halloween is our favorite holiday. The expectations of Christmas aren't there and I get to see me neighbors (and their kids). The cop is a self-proclaimed Halloween Grinch and won't answer the door. So in return I am making him watch 'The Great Pumpkin' over and over. It seems fair.

So far I have had a lot of pirates (my favorite being a Captain Jack Sparrow who was about 3), cheerleaders, assorted monsters and fairy princesses. A pumpkin who was about 1 and had the 'what the fuck' look. The dog is dressed in his leis and asorted Jimmy Buffett stuff, and I think the door is about to drive him crazy. My poor maddog is on the verge of a nervous meltdown!

We are going to my friend K's house in a little while. Her son is dressed as Thomas the Tank Engine.... can't wait to see that!

To all of you out there in the pumpkin patch....if the Great Pumpkin doesn't find your patch the most sincere no worries.... I have some candy left for you too!!!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


So we made it back in one piece.... walked through the door at home 18 hours after checking in at the Vegas airport. It was so nice to climb into my own bed with the million thread count sheets and not hear sirens and tour helicopters (or slot machines). I don't know how long I slept, but it was wonderful.

Back to work.... SSDD. I was actually really surprised that the same damn patients were still there. We got a trauma patient who wrapped his car around a tree..... he was a white guy with LONG rastafarian dredlocks. Seemed cool... at first. He was upset because he found out that the babymomma was fucking his best friend. (Interesting when they have a 5 month old child. Things that make you go Hmmmmmm...)

So he was normal when he arrived. He had a fractured clavicle and a really bad spleen laceration. (No head injury, he was just hanging with us since there were no other ICU beds)When he found out that he wasn't getting loaded with dilaudid he flipped, big time. He was yelling, swearing at his nurse (the most sweet, naive biggest Christian nurse in the place) and threatening to walk out. This was also when the babymomma came to see him and when she had to leave during rounds, starting banging on the ICU's door. We could hear her screaming from the report room!

When I came back the next evening there was more drama. Apparently, shithead went to angio for a life-saving procedure to prevent his spleen from continuing to bleed. Part of that involves getting a foley to measure urine output. So he acted like a horse's ass when they were putting the foley in (later stated because he had past "issues") Issues or not, I doubt that justifies trying to hit the angio nurses. They were unable to get his foley in and had to call urology to do it.

So...... when he didn't get the amount of pain medicine that he wanted during evening shift he called the police. His reasoning... the angio staff had sexually assaulted him and he wanted to press charges. Grrrr..... I am glad I wasn't involved in that. So we will see what kind of windfall will come from this. My hospital is the biggest bunch of kneejerk motherfukers... I'm sure there will be a new policy that allows the patient to run the place and we function as their bitches.

I'm going back out to high schools this week to do the 'Don't Drink and Drive' thing. Sometimes it feels like a futile attempt, but when we see these kids all broken to pieces and dying its hard not to try anyway.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


We are STILL in the fucking airport. Contrary to Wil's comment, neither of us are drunk, although it might be welcome after I spent the last hour and a half curled up on the floor trying to catch a nap.

I must ask a question though..... pardon my sleep-deprived manner....
who in the FUCK brings a small child to Vegas? Not to mention flies them home on the damn red-eye? I am looking at an 8 month old now and there is a 18 month old counterpart. I can also hear someone screaming bloody murder across the terminal. That poor kid is screaming "MOM WHY IN THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU LEAVE ME AT HOME IN MY CRIB OR WAIT FOR ME TO BE OLDER AND ENJOY DISNEY WORLD??!?!?!?!?!!" Time to pull out the Benadryl here people.

I might scream too if they do that on the plane. We have been here....9 hours and 32 minutes since we checked in.

The cop's brother is picking us up at 0903 our time..... just found out that he has some "errands" to run after he picks us up. Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but are you shitting me????

Monday, October 22, 2007

In the fucking airport

So.... not out of Vegas yet. Actually, STILL sitting in the damn airport. The trip and the concert were incredible. We didn't win big (the cop won $60 on a slot machine that he didn't know how to work) so given that we gambled that much we are pretty much even.

A few things I don't understand. When you are 50+ and you dress like you're 20, get shit faced drunk and go to a concert that "sounds fun." I have no tolerance for this bitch who kept stepping on the cop's feet, and was too stupid to do "Fins" with the rest of us. It was nice when she went for a drink and didn't come back. (maybe it was the cop and I making snide comments about throwing her over the rail that drover her away.... oh well).

So, Vegas... not my kind of town. If I wanted to be around over-served trash, I would go home and let the cop arrest them. I did, however find the $49.99 ho delivered to your room special. Andrea is available..... we have a card somewhere for one of the cop's friends. He is an Indians fan, so we figured he needed a pick me up.

So we decided to get the hell out at about 1pm today, got to the airport and were standby to a flight to LA. Yes, I live on the East Coast, not sure how we got routed by way of Ca, but what the fuck? So our flight (standby) flight was late. The plane broke in Denver, but thats ok, they are flying it anyway. I must give mad props to Jill and Joe at United for hooking us up. Instead of going through LA we are going from Las Vegas to Washington and then home. We get in within 5 minutes of our original flight so its all good. I tried to get them to route us through Maui so we could hang with Wil, but no such luck. So, we are waiting for a midnight flight, its 1830 (630) vegas time..... thank GOD for free WiFi. I'm sure we'll get home eventually!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Return of the Chop

Occasionally, we have patients and families return to the ICU to visit. Usually its instigated by the families, since 99% of the patients were so gorked out that they don't even remember being in the hospital. After the last two weeks, it has been hard to imagine anyone getting out of the ICU, or the hospital in general. They all seem to go to "the floor" somewhere, or to Palliative Care to die. They all just disappear and thats that. Somehow, some of them survive the neuro floor, rehab and go home... though it must be the strongest willed (or those who are direct descendants of the cockroach).

So I found out last night that we had a visitor during the day last week. It seems that my old friend Porkchop has beaten the odds and made it out alive. The nurse who saw him said that he walked down the hall just fine, no limp, wearing his helmet and looking like "who the hell brought me here?" She said that he was both a quiet and shy person who (still) towers over everyone. His affect is flat and he has the slightly confused look of an old neuro patient, but that he is doing ok. He even told the day nurse that cared for him (she was his primary day nurse, and I was nights) "thank you for taking good care of me."He doesn't remember a thing, although I think that if he heard my voice saying "Porkchop, I'm going to pinch the shit out of you if you don't open your eyes" he might just take that moment to smack they shit out of me!I'm sorry I didn't get to see him, but I am glad he is doing well.

After the last few weeks it will be nice to get away. The cop and I leave for Vegas tomorrow morning. Buffett is playing the MGM Grand Saturday night, and there are nosebleed seats with our names on them.

Monday, October 15, 2007

The Thin Blue Line

The Thin Blue Line is a little thinner today. The cop's friend was taken off of life support last Tuesday evening and died on 10/11/07.
I cannot help but think that his wife is one of the bravest people I have met. She knew from the start that he didn't want to live like that. When the time came, she was able to respect his wishes (despite pressure from his family) and let him go. I had to work the night they withdrew care, but didn't know until I was pulling in to park. I was a wreck, couldn't be there and watch (even on the monitor) him die. The cop came, picked me up in the unmarked detective car and took me home. It was a rough night.
I am not going to the funeral... I know that I just can't do it. Not to mention I would have to sit with the wives, as the officers all sit together. So we will remember him in our own way, I'm sure. A breakfast toast of Jack Daniel's one morning sounds about right.
Unfortunately, another officer was killed in a motorcycle crash in South Carolina yesterday. I didn't know him (neither did the cop) but he did look familiar.
Kind of at a loss here. Had a busy night in the ICU, but no real energy to talk about it. 24 more hours of work and then am off for over a week. Vegas is looking better and better.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

ICU sucks

The last few nights have been very hard at work. The cops friend is doing very badly. Yesterday they had a family meeting to determine what will be done next. If he shows no signs of neurological improvement within the next 6 days(I've seen the CT, he won't) then the wife is going to withdraw care. She actually made him a DNR last night. Word must have gotten out because the guys were there all night last night. It was hard though, since they all seem to be confused about what this means. Some are doing ok. Others are inconsolable. I can't explain what it feel like to see these guys walk out of the room crying. To me, they are 10 feet tall and bulletproof. They are the guys who help keep the cop safe and bring him home to me every day. These are our friends and they are devastated.

Part of me just wants this to be over. I told the charge nurses that when they decide to withdraw, they need to make sure that I am not working. I don't think I can handle that. I really doubt that I can do a police funeral now that I am one of the wives, but I know that I will have to. Its hard because the cop is doing the detective thing now and I don't see him the way I used to. Its hard to sit and watch his friend dying, see the guys in tears and know that I won't see him for another 24 hours because he is out on a warrant sweep. This is just not something that I can do alone, and I feel like that's what I'm doing.

So I'm just trying to keep it together. I have a paper that was due Saturday that isn't done.... I just don't have it in me to do. What the fuck do I tell the teacher?

Sorry to ramble, feel free to skip my blog for the next few days.... I have a feeling that until this is over, my mood (and blogging) will be about the same.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Hood Rat

The troll was wearing "Eau de Hood Rat" last night..... and a LOT Of it. I thought I was going to gag every time she walked by. I could have killed her anyway..... I had a big guy that was intubated and would get fired up when I turned him. I was putting him back on his back, when he started sitting up, pulling his (loosened) restraints, and trying to grab his tube. The troll was right there, saw me wrestling with him and then walked away! I could actually have written her up for that. Grrrrrrr.....

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Mollywhopping and the rusty trombone

An update on Farmer McDonald. We got him extubated and he is doing GREAT! Nice guy, nice family. Still on so many antibiotics that he has the terminal shits (but we make a tube for that!). His first question when he got extubated was "Did Tech beat William & Mary?" Priceless......

Have been doing some time in the ED to make extra $$$. The cop and I leave for Vegas in a couple of weeks. Whoops.... the cop is no longer a cop.... he is a detective (a dick). When he told be he got the promotion I laughed.... Honey, you were always a dick to me!!! :)

Weird shit in the ED..... had a guy having a big ol heart attack, but something wasn't right on the EKG. It looked like he was having a left sided attack.... but the drugs weren't working the way they should. The reason? He had dextracardia..... the heard was completely backwards in his chest. So the left-sided heart attack was actually a right sided. I also got to make the special forces medics gag, Lady was on the "fluffy" side.... ok, she was a heffer. 400lbs easy and she got a boatload of lasix to make her pee. It was my... pleasure... to put her foley in. It was a group project that required two guys on each leg and me in the bed with the patient. When I got the rolls separated the smell hit. There are no words for the smell. But watching big tough special forces guys gag and retch was funny as shit!
One of the officers that the cop works with was in an accident (off-duty) yesterday. He was not wearing a seatbelt and was ejected. He has a big head injury and is in my ICU. I have met him before.... I know he is not doing well at all. It is weird because I feel like the guys are looking for me for answers that I just don't have. I will not be this officer's nurse due to (obvious) conflict of interest. I can't help but worry though. This guy can survive the damn ghetto-ass streets, but is possibly going to die because of a freaking accident?? That bothers me.
PS we had some pretty... colorful conversations in the ICU this weekend. The title of this post is two terms that I was enlightened to. I don't remember laughing so hard in a long time!